I wish...

I read fantastic other blogs from moms, and feel quite inadequate! 

I wish I had the words they did.   I wish I could describe clearly for people the joy I have when I think of my son.  His laughter and energy light up my life.  His victories are sweet, and hard earned.  He loves trucks.  He is  starting to really enjoy dinosaurs.   He likes to tell knock knock jokes.  He doesn't like to be left alone.  He doesn't like it when I leave him.  He LOVES school!  He loves to do arts and crafts, and wields a gluestick like a pro :)  

He is amazing.  I want to spend every day with him. 

But I can't.   In order to provide for him, I've GOT to be at work.  Which makes me feel terrible.  And causes some more stress, because being at all his appointments and juggling work...well...it's not easy.   Do you know, I actually went to Autism Speaks' website...I'm a professional fundraiser for non-profits...wouldn't it be great to work at a place that "gets" it?  Sigh, couldn't find anything.   Sadly, non-profit pay isn't enough to really live on anyway, which is some of the problem!  :) 

I go through ups and downs like everyone.  But today is a bad day.  Today I'm in a dark place, that's very very tired.  Today I wish I could close my eyes and sleep for a month.  Today I can't pay attention at work.  Today I'm dragging myself through the motions.   Hopefully tomorrow is another day. 

But the point was....if you check out some of the other blogs I listed below, those folks have an amazing gift of words, and I have learned so much from them.  I have learned that I am NOT alone!  I have learned that there are groups of us who care about each other, and will offer shoulders and warm words of support.  I may not be deeply involved in those blogs yet (uh, does anyone even READ this blog?) but I know it's there, and I'm glad it's there.   Because today, in my dark hour, it's nice to have someone else who gets it...even if they aren't in the office next door.