oh gulp!
We are moving back to Connecticut. Sorry Massachusetts. You've got some great things going for you, but Southeastern MA is not working for us. Driving to Waltham or Needham is getting to be old. An hour and a half each way for a doc's visit, plus waiting room time, all for 10 minutes of a doc's time....I can't do it any longer. Where we were had closer healthcare. Still the wait times, etc, but at least a bit closer.
I had the opportunity for a job, and I took it. The pay will be enough to get me through, the potential for growth is there, the work/life balance understanding is there, and while I'm terrified out of my mind, I'm doing it. Because the town has an amazing special ed program....they are supportive, informed, involved and these are just the parents in the special ed PTA!
I put a deposit down on a cute apartment in a safe quiet neighborhood that is across the street from a playground that costs far to much each month, but I will make it happen because he will be safe and happy there. Of course, we will have the heat on crazy low all winter, but we've got lots of home-made with love wool socks and sweaters :) I'm also clearly going to have to get in touch with couponing again. But not to the extreme like those shows. Those people scare me a tiny bit!!! :)
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep waiting for them to call me and say they've changed their mind, they don't want me...or they can't afford the salary they said. Or something else to go very VERY wrong.
I also keep praying I made the right choice, because moving an autistic kid 200 miles is not easy. All new things are so hard for him!!!!!!!!!!! I have to be sure this is right for him in the long run, or else I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure. At least, I think I'm sure. Uhhhhh. No I'm sure, I'm just scared right now. Really scared.
Endings are sad. Beginnings are scary. Just give hope a chance to float up.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Father's Day
My dad died 10 years ago this past October.
Every year I miss him more. He would have been an amazing role model for my son, but it was because he wasn't here that I had my son.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes it takes years to see that reason. When my dad passed away suddenly, we inherited his life insurance from the Army. He was still active in the Reserves....had been for 25 years. That was after two tours of Vietnam with the Air Force. He got out of the Air Force and decided to try something new....so he joined the Army Reserve. In between, he went to some Vietnam War protests. Classic Dad.
Without that life insurance money, I wouldn't have been able to afford staying in Connecticut after I graduated from college. Hey Dad? Thanks for the free college. I'd have rather had you, but if I couldn't, being able to set out on my own and make my way in the world debt free was an amazing gift.
Because I was able to set out on my own, I started finding my own way, and found my way into a volunteer EMT gig. After a few years in that gig, I met a man who would become my husband, and the father of my beautiful son. We are divorced now, but still....we have a wonderful little boy who happens to have autism and is hard of hearing. But if I had never been married, if I had never met my ex, if I hadn't had the means to be in CT after college, I wouldn't have been a Mom.
So this Father's Day, I would like to honor my Dad for making me a Mom. You have given me no greater gift than my son. I'm trying to raise him the way you and Mom raised me...I hope I'm making you proud.
Every year I miss him more. He would have been an amazing role model for my son, but it was because he wasn't here that I had my son.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes it takes years to see that reason. When my dad passed away suddenly, we inherited his life insurance from the Army. He was still active in the Reserves....had been for 25 years. That was after two tours of Vietnam with the Air Force. He got out of the Air Force and decided to try something new....so he joined the Army Reserve. In between, he went to some Vietnam War protests. Classic Dad.
Without that life insurance money, I wouldn't have been able to afford staying in Connecticut after I graduated from college. Hey Dad? Thanks for the free college. I'd have rather had you, but if I couldn't, being able to set out on my own and make my way in the world debt free was an amazing gift.
Because I was able to set out on my own, I started finding my own way, and found my way into a volunteer EMT gig. After a few years in that gig, I met a man who would become my husband, and the father of my beautiful son. We are divorced now, but still....we have a wonderful little boy who happens to have autism and is hard of hearing. But if I had never been married, if I had never met my ex, if I hadn't had the means to be in CT after college, I wouldn't have been a Mom.
So this Father's Day, I would like to honor my Dad for making me a Mom. You have given me no greater gift than my son. I'm trying to raise him the way you and Mom raised me...I hope I'm making you proud.
Monday, June 13, 2011
I wish...
I read fantastic other blogs from moms, and feel quite inadequate!
I wish I had the words they did. I wish I could describe clearly for people the joy I have when I think of my son. His laughter and energy light up my life. His victories are sweet, and hard earned. He loves trucks. He is starting to really enjoy dinosaurs. He likes to tell knock knock jokes. He doesn't like to be left alone. He doesn't like it when I leave him. He LOVES school! He loves to do arts and crafts, and wields a gluestick like a pro :)
He is amazing. I want to spend every day with him.
But I can't. In order to provide for him, I've GOT to be at work. Which makes me feel terrible. And causes some more stress, because being at all his appointments and juggling work...well...it's not easy. Do you know, I actually went to Autism Speaks' website...I'm a professional fundraiser for non-profits...wouldn't it be great to work at a place that "gets" it? Sigh, couldn't find anything. Sadly, non-profit pay isn't enough to really live on anyway, which is some of the problem! :)
I go through ups and downs like everyone. But today is a bad day. Today I'm in a dark place, that's very very tired. Today I wish I could close my eyes and sleep for a month. Today I can't pay attention at work. Today I'm dragging myself through the motions. Hopefully tomorrow is another day.
But the point was....if you check out some of the other blogs I listed below, those folks have an amazing gift of words, and I have learned so much from them. I have learned that I am NOT alone! I have learned that there are groups of us who care about each other, and will offer shoulders and warm words of support. I may not be deeply involved in those blogs yet (uh, does anyone even READ this blog?) but I know it's there, and I'm glad it's there. Because today, in my dark hour, it's nice to have someone else who gets it...even if they aren't in the office next door.
I wish I had the words they did. I wish I could describe clearly for people the joy I have when I think of my son. His laughter and energy light up my life. His victories are sweet, and hard earned. He loves trucks. He is starting to really enjoy dinosaurs. He likes to tell knock knock jokes. He doesn't like to be left alone. He doesn't like it when I leave him. He LOVES school! He loves to do arts and crafts, and wields a gluestick like a pro :)
He is amazing. I want to spend every day with him.
But I can't. In order to provide for him, I've GOT to be at work. Which makes me feel terrible. And causes some more stress, because being at all his appointments and juggling work...well...it's not easy. Do you know, I actually went to Autism Speaks' website...I'm a professional fundraiser for non-profits...wouldn't it be great to work at a place that "gets" it? Sigh, couldn't find anything. Sadly, non-profit pay isn't enough to really live on anyway, which is some of the problem! :)
I go through ups and downs like everyone. But today is a bad day. Today I'm in a dark place, that's very very tired. Today I wish I could close my eyes and sleep for a month. Today I can't pay attention at work. Today I'm dragging myself through the motions. Hopefully tomorrow is another day.
But the point was....if you check out some of the other blogs I listed below, those folks have an amazing gift of words, and I have learned so much from them. I have learned that I am NOT alone! I have learned that there are groups of us who care about each other, and will offer shoulders and warm words of support. I may not be deeply involved in those blogs yet (uh, does anyone even READ this blog?) but I know it's there, and I'm glad it's there. Because today, in my dark hour, it's nice to have someone else who gets it...even if they aren't in the office next door.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)