saw this at work today:
Humility is the ability to wait my turn to speak during a heated discussion, to be at peace when others surpass me in talents and accomplishments, realizing that all good things come from God, to listen with a spirit of objectivity, rather than an “I know it all” attitude, to be content with what I am, but confident that His grace can make me better, to be obedient to those in authority without resentment, to be available to everyone at all times knowing He will make up for what I lack, the desire to please rather than be pleased, and most of all, humility is to believe His revelations, hope in His word, and love Him more than myself- Mother Angelica.
hmmm. I think the universe is trying to teach me something from yesterday's posting. I'm still glad I said something, but these are good words to think about too.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
on occasionally finding help from an unsavory ally
so someone posted on Facebook tonight that she thought giving children Benadryl occasionally to help them sleep was child abuse. Many years ago, someone told me that if I was very angry, to write a letter, and if I still felt exactly the same way in the morning, I could mail it.
so this is my letter (pardon the lower case, etc. i was typing quickly trying to not let the words run out of my head)
Normally I try not to respond to things like this...because upset heads don't tend to come off as rational or clear thinking or even intelligent sometimes. this has been bothering me since you posted it. i imagine i'll come off as over-reacting, but i hope after reading you can understand why i felt i needed to say something. i've seen child abuse as an EMT so i'm not ignorant of what happens to far too many kids. i also agree many parents do give things in an attempt to make their lives easier, but i must say this: if a parent is sleep deprived to the point of extreme where they can barely make rational decisions, sick as a dog themselves, and have to be the sole person responsible for a young person who won't stop screaming for two days for no known reason, and you just don't know what to do anymore and if your choices are to a) give them benadryl to hopefully relax them so they might, just might fall asleep for more than 5 minute stretches, or b) can't stay strong any longer, which are you going to choose or even recommend to a patient? run on sentence....but you get the point. this scenario happens all over the world, every single day. it's just that it's never happened to you and perhaps that's why you are so cavalier about it.
its worth at least trying to understand the shoes they walk in before passing judgement so cold as "child abuse". because i've done this-at least one time, possibly more. i have given benadryl to relax my child instead of loosing my mind and i'm a damn good mom. I'm not perfect and i admit that freely, but i STRONGLY resent the implication that you think i "might" abuse my child. i resent it so strongly that i was compelled to say something instead of staying quiet. It's not a funny thing to joke about, or something to make light of at all. You might not have meant to, but your comment would lump me into a group with people who beat their kids to a bloody pulp, or lock their children in cages, or deny them food til they starve to death because i've made choices at difficult times that help me and my child. the number 1 worst part of being a parent is how much everyone judges the job you are doing.
but if, to any reader of this, it appears i'm mentally unstable or something is wrong with me because i've been in the situation of making hard choices like giving him something to help him relax or even sleep before i completely break when i've been up for 3 days straight taking care of my autistic child or been in the scenario above, it's clear that reader has never been in either situation. which, honestly, i'm glad for them. parenting any child, healthy, sick, or in between, is hard- harder than any other job on the planet. i admit some can't take the pressure, and do end up seriously hurting their children, which is a horrific crime and must be stopped. again, i acknowledge some abuse benadryl, because they are not making good choices (though one must wonder why it is they can not make good choices...are they exhausted? struggling with undiagnosed mental illness? have no help? there's a story behind every person). that being said, i disagree that giving a child benadryl on very rare occasions "might be child abuse", because sometimes, in cases like my life, and others like mine, the greater good for the child by considering the parent's overall mental health in that moment must be a factor in the decision.
Regardless of my beliefs on this, i know that the constant judging of parenting techniques is endless and excruciating and must also be stopped. i am not in the same category as those others i mentioned because i needed my son to relax one time or another. the point of this long winded response is simply this: your comment may have seemed harmless to you, but was in fact hurtful and judgmental to me and anyone else who has ever been in shoes like mine, or worse yet, heavier ones. many have done what i have done, but few will be honest about it because they fear being labeled a bad parent or awful person, or even, dare i say it- a child abuser. but i am not a child abuser. I am not even close to "might" be committing child abuse. what i am is a parent who has made occasional choices that were not in regards to the care of my child that you don't agree with. that's a really big difference.
you don't have to respond to this comment, and you don't even have to change your belief about the use of benadryl being wrong if you don't want to. but simply know this: we don't have to agree all the time on everything. but we do have to acknowledge that our journeys are not all the same.
so this is my letter (pardon the lower case, etc. i was typing quickly trying to not let the words run out of my head)
Normally I try not to respond to things like this...because upset heads don't tend to come off as rational or clear thinking or even intelligent sometimes. this has been bothering me since you posted it. i imagine i'll come off as over-reacting, but i hope after reading you can understand why i felt i needed to say something. i've seen child abuse as an EMT so i'm not ignorant of what happens to far too many kids. i also agree many parents do give things in an attempt to make their lives easier, but i must say this: if a parent is sleep deprived to the point of extreme where they can barely make rational decisions, sick as a dog themselves, and have to be the sole person responsible for a young person who won't stop screaming for two days for no known reason, and you just don't know what to do anymore and if your choices are to a) give them benadryl to hopefully relax them so they might, just might fall asleep for more than 5 minute stretches, or b) can't stay strong any longer, which are you going to choose or even recommend to a patient? run on sentence....but you get the point. this scenario happens all over the world, every single day. it's just that it's never happened to you and perhaps that's why you are so cavalier about it.
its worth at least trying to understand the shoes they walk in before passing judgement so cold as "child abuse". because i've done this-at least one time, possibly more. i have given benadryl to relax my child instead of loosing my mind and i'm a damn good mom. I'm not perfect and i admit that freely, but i STRONGLY resent the implication that you think i "might" abuse my child. i resent it so strongly that i was compelled to say something instead of staying quiet. It's not a funny thing to joke about, or something to make light of at all. You might not have meant to, but your comment would lump me into a group with people who beat their kids to a bloody pulp, or lock their children in cages, or deny them food til they starve to death because i've made choices at difficult times that help me and my child. the number 1 worst part of being a parent is how much everyone judges the job you are doing.
but if, to any reader of this, it appears i'm mentally unstable or something is wrong with me because i've been in the situation of making hard choices like giving him something to help him relax or even sleep before i completely break when i've been up for 3 days straight taking care of my autistic child or been in the scenario above, it's clear that reader has never been in either situation. which, honestly, i'm glad for them. parenting any child, healthy, sick, or in between, is hard- harder than any other job on the planet. i admit some can't take the pressure, and do end up seriously hurting their children, which is a horrific crime and must be stopped. again, i acknowledge some abuse benadryl, because they are not making good choices (though one must wonder why it is they can not make good choices...are they exhausted? struggling with undiagnosed mental illness? have no help? there's a story behind every person). that being said, i disagree that giving a child benadryl on very rare occasions "might be child abuse", because sometimes, in cases like my life, and others like mine, the greater good for the child by considering the parent's overall mental health in that moment must be a factor in the decision.
Regardless of my beliefs on this, i know that the constant judging of parenting techniques is endless and excruciating and must also be stopped. i am not in the same category as those others i mentioned because i needed my son to relax one time or another. the point of this long winded response is simply this: your comment may have seemed harmless to you, but was in fact hurtful and judgmental to me and anyone else who has ever been in shoes like mine, or worse yet, heavier ones. many have done what i have done, but few will be honest about it because they fear being labeled a bad parent or awful person, or even, dare i say it- a child abuser. but i am not a child abuser. I am not even close to "might" be committing child abuse. what i am is a parent who has made occasional choices that were not in regards to the care of my child that you don't agree with. that's a really big difference.
you don't have to respond to this comment, and you don't even have to change your belief about the use of benadryl being wrong if you don't want to. but simply know this: we don't have to agree all the time on everything. but we do have to acknowledge that our journeys are not all the same.
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